A Confession

I have a confession... I love the show Doctor Who. This may not mean anything to any of you... unless you have met my little brother.  My little brother is very passionate about EVERYTHING he loves and in turn he wants everyone else to enjoy everything that he does JUST as much...and he will talk about it until you either find the same passion for it or instead DETEST it more than anything in the world. And since he is my little brother of course my natural reaction is to be annoyed with whatever comes out of his mouth (sorry Jeffie if you are reading this, but you know I love you anyways lol) Anyway, despite his admiration for the British series I thought he was just being silly and I ignored his wisdom..yes I said wisdom :) My friend Amy was telling me how wonderful and funny this program was and that not only was it funny but the doctor David Tennant plays is beautiful. So because I trusted my friend over my much younger sibling I decided to try it out on Netflix. AND I love IT! I think I want to be British just so I can be as clever as the Doctor.

SO you ask...what the heck is it about?? Well I will tell you, but be warned it sounds relatively cheesy. But it is fantastic! The Doctor is an Alien from a planet called Galifray...too much already right? To put it simply, he is a time traveller and the last of his kind. He travels in a TARDIS, which looks like a police box...and it is bigger on the inside than on the outside...hahaha...uh hem...anyway,  So in order to keep from being lonely he has companions that come with him and explore time and space. Inevitably though, wherever The Doctor lands, chaos ensues; some other alien race is always trying to take over another alien race...but most often the human race.  The Doctor seems to always show up and save humanity :) It seems a little contrived, but really the stories are quite brilliant and the dialogue is really well written. I recommend giving it a try. I started with the first season and I just finished season 5 last night. (Britain's seasons are shorter than American series). It is really quite ingenious in that they make it so that if the doctor ever dies he regenerates into a new doctor so the actors can move on from the series and be replaced...Although I have loved all three of the doctors that I have seen, David Tennant is my favorite. Jeff has a crush on Matt Smith though...but whatever ;)  Ok I am sure none of you know what I am talking about anymore. But really, if you are looking for some clever comedy check out Doctor Who.

What to do?

As I sit in my room this fine afternoon I am confronted with several options, all of which seem unappealing and leave me feeling restless. I have to finish Dracula  by Thursday. This presents a major problem because I have no desire, NONE whatsoever, to read the novel let a lone finish it. At first I was intrigued by the book but I got behind and went to class without actually reading some of the assigned readings and I am finding that I can get by without reading it. This could be bad news bears when it comes to midterm time. BUT it is beautiful outside and I want to go for a walk...but then I would be procrastinating and then there is that paper I have due on Wednesday that I am really worried about that I have started, but can't quite bring myself to get started on. And if I do anything besides these assignments I am just putting off the inevitable; Note that I say this as I am TYPING up my Blog...which is neither consequential or beneficial to the completion of any of the tasks I have afore mentioned. My day has gone somewhat like this : Rolled out of bed and managed to curl my hair, turned in my paper on Frankenstein,  then I went to class and we discussed postmodernism and the whole complicated theory of the self or lack thereof...very confusing... then I got a signature from my professor and proceeded to the registrar's office, Big Town Hero for a delicious sandwich that unfortunately had delicious mayonnaise, bacon, and avocado on it mmmm. I arrived home and managed to read 3 whole chapters of Dracula interspersed with facebook checks, popcorn munching, and even a bathroom break. Finally after receiving an invitation to my cousin Casey's baby shower in Arizona I gave up on homework and proceeded in purchasing baby clothes for his baby :) I love Internet shopping. And then I was distracted by the prospect of changing my profile picture. Ultimately I succumbed to the temptation to look at Steph's blog and catch up on her Scottish adventures. And even though I did not myself feel like blogging you can see that I did anyway. And here I am sitting at the computer wondering what I should do next... I think I will walk. At least my procrastination in that sense would be beneficial to my health right?

checking the oven beforehand

For those of you who don't know I live with an awesome 87 year old woman rent free in exchange for kind of taking care of a few things around the house for her and making sure she hasn't fallen down somewhere and been left for days. Well I just discovered a few things... I need to check the oven before I use it. I knew that she used to keep her cast iron pans in there, but since I have been actually using the oven to bake things in she has been putting those away in a different spot. So, naturally because of this I didn't check the oven. But when I opened it to put the bread I was making in I found four or five pancakes..yes pancakes... sitting on the oven rack. lol

The SECOND thing I learned was really valuable; because her oven is old it smokes a bit, I think it needs to be cleaned... anyway, the fire alarm went off; and it kept going off even after I stopped it and opened the doors and fanned the thing...Maxine never woke up (it was around 11pm when I did this) . She did come out of her room while I was fiddling with it, but it was to use the restroom and I asked her if I woke her up and she said she didn't hear a thing. THUS if there is EVER a fire, I will need to rescue Maxine! I probably would have checked on her anyway in the event of a fire, but it is good to know that it is a must.

Social Life?

It turns out that not having a social life is much more beneficial for my school life...who'da thunk it right? I am also discovering that not having a TV with DVR also works wonders. (Although, Netflix does cause a bit of a distraction, but I am endeavoring to keep my watch instantly viewing down to a minimum). I finished Beloved and I will say that I was actually happy with the ending of the book and I would recommend it to someone. I also finished Frankenstein last week...this one I would only recommend if you have someone to read it with and discuss it with. Tonight I just started Dracula and I am actually really interested in it... AND No, it has nothing to do with my previous insanity regarding Twilight. It is actually super creepy! I actually couldn't put it down tonight. I never would have thought Bram Stoker could be so chilling. ( not as frightening as say The Ring was...it is just creepy to imagine these things happening to you...

OK enough book recommendations: I lost four pounds this week..although I may have ruined that because I caved and bought an Oreo shake...two days in a row. I have all the excuses in the world. Mostly I was just feeling bad about life..blah blah blah blah. So tomorrow I AM GOING TO THE GYM when I get off work.  And I will do it with or without my ipod. Since this was the only excuse I was giving I will not use it anymore. The gym has a television and I am certain that I can find something useless to distract me for thirty minutes while I pound away at the elliptical machine. My goal is to go at least 3 times this week. Doctor wants me going five times a week, but I am starting with baby steps since I do have a paper to write about Frankenstein due this week...ok ok it is only a rough draft, but I am in serious mode...

Speaking of serious, I looked online at Grad School programs. Now I have to remember to breathe right here because when I look at all the requirements and then take into account all the application fees I tend to get a little light headed from hyperventilating. BUT I must prevail. I cannot let a little anxiety over tough circumstances scare me into idleness. So I will start with the basic: GET my GPA up. Not a lot of people know but I let some seriously stupid things get in the way of my success at school this last year. I let things slide and I got myself into trouble with school, but I am on the road to recovery and I am retaking classes and my GPA WILL improve :) I am not about to make that mistake again...It was a man that got in the way...let me rephrase a BOY. Holy moly,,,,NEVER again.  There is more to the story and perhaps I will write a little more about it but basically a male was at the heart of the matter and I made a huge mistake and I will not let that happen again. Anyway, I grow weary from all my ranting and I am going to indulge into some mindless Netflix watching since my homework is all done for tonight.

Postmodernism

So I am learning about Post Modernism right? Riiiiiight.... Ok The theory of Postmodernism is at best VERY VERY confusing. But I wanted to share the gist of what I learned in class on Wednesday. It has been brewing in my brain for a couple days now and I want to rattle on about it. The name Postmodernism gives is basically self explanatory...it is a movement that occurred/ is occuring AFTER Modernism... I don't really feel like explaining the whole history of  it, but basically there are a bunch of different eras literature and other medias of expression have gone through since basically forever and it  all affected what people did in order to express themselves in things like Literature and what not...it's kind of fascinating to me, but then again I am a LIT major lol. Anyway, I digress. Basically the whole movement is based on what some theorists (mostly French...go figure)  theorize about how we deal with becoming individual and creating the self ( how we put ourselves on the map so to speak)...haha I am laughing even as I type this because I am confusing myself. But these guys like Jameson, Lyotard, Baudrillard, and others who I can't remember at the moment all have an explanation and each explanation varies a bit. In fact they don't always agree with each other. BUT MY POINT IS that the whole idea of social networking, blogs, literature, art, and all other forms of expression are each different ways how we as individuals not only try and express ourselves, but how we try to be heard or to connect with one another.Connecting is a huge huge huge part of it. AND THEREFORE my blogging is part of how I as an individual am trying to put myself  "on the map" or trying to be heard and basically connect... And thus anyone who is reading my blog is a part of the post modern movement!  THE END

Beloved

So I am reading a book called "Beloved" for my post modern literature class. You might remember the release of a movie with the same name starring Oprah Winfrey...It was a movie I was never really interested in seeing because I was going through one of my phases when I didn't particularly think I cared for Oprah. Anyway, when I saw the book on the reading list I was a little disappointed because I remembered the movie got horrible reviews and I really wanted to read something that was not lame. NOW I am not recommending that anyone run out and purchase this novel, but I do have to say that the story is quite compelling and a quick run to the library to check it out might be recommended. I won't give you a full synopsis ( I am saving that for the paper I have to write in a few days), but I will tell you the basics. It is about an escaped slave. We all have heard about how horrible it was for slaves and I have always thought the whole idea was terrible of course, but reading this book really puts some of those things in a whole new light. Basically this slave woman has gone through some awful
things and

***spoiler alert***   
 in order to keep her children from having to return from slavery when she is about to be captures she attempts to kill all four of her children and actually succeeds in killing one of them. OK OK I know, why would I recommend such an atrocious book? Well I only recommend it if you are in the mood for something thought provoking and since I actually won't finish the book until probably Sunday then I recommend it cautiously. Since it is a post modern book there is a very very strong chance that the book won't have an ending that satisfies a need for happy endings. Another warning: The descriptions of life as a slave are incredibly graphic and are not recommended if you have a weak stomach.

Wow! After reading what I just wrote it doesn't seem like anyone would actually "want" to read the book. But it was on my mind and thus I rambled about it :)

My Ipod shuffle

Now I really don't love my ipod shuffle but I can't find mine anywhere. They are the goofiest little things every invented. Small can be great but they are easily lost. I hava a nano, donated to me from my little sis. But she neglected to give me a charger. So here I sit or rather rummage throught my room looking for something that most likely fell down between the numerous boxes I have shoved into various corners of my room. Which leads me to another topic...My room

So I keep having these urges to completely just get rid of anything I haven't used or worn in 6 months to a year. I think it would be quite refreshing and in the long run will help me have less to store whenever I do in fact decide to pack up and leave for Europe for a year... I think if I am single I may as well right? I think a satisfying flush out of all my belongings is definitely in order. When I arrived in this state I had only the things that I could fit into my tiny Dodge Neon...now, 3 years later, I have acquired atleast five or six times that. It is crazy. It is completely insane when one realizes how much stuff a person can accumulate in such a small amount of time. I most certainly need to downgrade on my crap that is crammed into this tiny one bedroom.

6 months

So in 6 Months to the day I am turning 30. This event is inciting a lot of emotion and anticipation. It is most especially inspiring a sort of motivation. The usual questions are surfacing and need answering. What have I done with my life? Where am I going? Where do I want to be in 5 years from now...10 years from now? All I know is that right now I am scared to death of where my life is headed. I am most determined to use these next SIX Months to get my life in order; so that when the big 4-0 hits I am not panicking as I am now. I am overweight and am just barely hitting my senior year in college. I am definitely not where I thought I would be when I was this age.

HOWEVER, life has taught me that things happen for a reason. There are paths we choose and paths that are on occassion chosen for us;either way we have a choice on how we perceive our own outcomes in life and the paths that have brought us there. I want to keep my perspective in order and embrace thirty instead of dread it. In an effort to streamline my thoughts and anxieties as well as my progress and setbacks towards bettering myself before that fateful day I have decided that I will create this blog. I don't know if anyone will ever read it and that is ok. I simply need to have an outlet for all the thoughts and emotions and sometimes, yes, even ideas that spring in to my head. To start off on my first post I am going to list my goals:

1. Lose 50 pounds by my birthday! This is totally doable. I have six months that is 48 pounds safely and since I always lose at a fast rate in the beginning I am going for the gold.

2. Get my GPA back where it used to be. My concentration and efforts need to be focused on bettering myself right now and part of that is focusing on school and not outside distractions.

3. Save money! For the future and for Europe. I promised my amazing and wonderful late grandmother that I would spend my thirtieth birthday in Paris. ALAS, I will be in my last term in school so I can't be there on my birthday, but I can be there during my 30th year. I think Grandma would be ok with that as long as I get there.

There are other goals, but these are the three most prevalent for the time being.